Rooster Kyudo

What is "Rooster Kyudo" you might ask. Well, it's a brand new sport that was created to piss me off. Basically the rooster from hell that lives across the street shoots his tortured cockadoodle arrows straight at my skull. He gets more points by shooting as many as possible in quick succession. Last night he scored a new record high. From 3 a.m. to 3:44 a.m. the fucker never let up on the volley. But I've decided that describing his distressed call as being laryngitis inflected is just too kind. Last night, while I lie grinding my teeth thinking of the numerous ways I would destroy my nemesis, I realized the best way to describe the monstrosities that come out of his mouth is thus: his cockadoodle has been thoroughly mangled by first a chainsaw and then a blender with rusty nails for blades and finally trumpeted out of one of those hideously horrendous Dr. Seuss trumpets (you know, one with a name like, Kerwankerpatoogle).
It was truly bloodcurdling. No animals should be allowed to utter such noises and live.